Cannon Fodder

“For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of Venus, the brains of Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros.”

~Ethel Barrymore

1879-1959

Ms. Barrymore said this sometime in the 1950s.

Nothing has changed.

But let’s break this down a bit…

VENUS: The goddess of love and beauty. The most important thing for an actress to be, or so it seems, is beautiful. Nobody wants to go and see normal-looking women, do they? Thank God this is changing, ever-so-slightly. There are very few actresses who are drop-dead gorgeous, who look fabulous no matter what. Most of us look just like everyone else. Every photo you see has been photoshopped and airbrushed. We’re made to look skinnier and toned with flawless skin. No one looks like that! And trust me, everyone gets airbrushed. EVERYONE.

But as women, we let that happen. We keep buying the magazines with impossible beauty on the covers. We keep looking at those pictures and think, “I’ll never look like that.” Well–that’s true–we won’t ever look like that. But it should make us feel at least a little better knowing that they’ll never look like that, either!   The things that they have and we don’t are: good lighting, good make-up and hair stylists, a good photographer who knows all their best angles, and a guy to photoshop the finished product.

Yet we still have to strive daily to look our best, at all times…at any cost. Magic creams and potions and injections and going to the gym, all to keep us looking glamourous and beautiful. This is fine for those who have been able to make a successful career out of acting, but for those of us still struggling, it’s not easy. I can’t afford most of this–and I don’t have a personal trainer egging me on to work out. I hate working out. So how can I keep up with those screen goddesses?

I can’t. I just have to be Me.  And I’ll keep hoping that casting directors see something different in me and will take a chance on that.

MINERVA: The goddess of wisdom, medicine, the arts, dyeing, science, trade, war, and the inventor of music. Good golly! That’s a lot for one person to handle, don’cha think?! Yet actresses have to do this daily. The stereotype used to be that actresses weren’t exactly the smartest of creatures…but it’s next to impossible to be a “dumb blonde” in this biz. You have to have common sense, good judgement, and (I would say) a higher-than-average intelligence to make this work. Not only do we need to be creative–after all, our very job is to “pretend” we’re someone else–but we also need to have a business-minded brain. That’s not easy for some of us–me included. We have to be able to read a script and decide if this would be good for us as artists, and as businesspeople. It ain’t called “show business” for nothin’. You are a brand. You must be marketable. People must be able to make money off of you, which means you need to be making plenty for yourself. (This part also falls into the VENUS category–being marketable!) And when/if you are making money, you need to make sure it’s yours and that it’s not going anywhere–which is a whole other side to the business that I’m not going to get into. I’ll hire someone for that!

TERPSICHORE: The Muse of dance and lyric poetry. An actress must have grace. She is under pressure and strain, as well as the microscope much of the time. She must exude an ease of grace or face the harsh critics in the press. She must be graceful not only in body and face, but in language as well. She must speak kindly about all, she must not be ribald, she must be this and that. Honestly, I can understand how some of these young actresses throw their hands up and go crazy. I understand, but I won’t condone it. Ish Kaur, the director of THE SIXTH RIVER, told me I was graceful in everything I did. I laughed at that and told her I’m such a klutz! But that didn’t matter. Tripping over everything (and sometimes nothing) doesn’t mean I can’t be graceful. It just means I have to be extra-charming to make up for my sense of gravity.

MACAULAY: Lord Macaulay was a poet, historian, MP, and Secretary at War. He was known to say that, “if by some miracle of vandalism all copies of Pilgrim’s Progress and Paradise Lost were destroyed off the face of the earth,” he would undertake to reproduce them both from recollection. How he fits into an actress’s life should be obvious. We read, we commit to memory, we perform what we have learned. But it goes a bit deeper than that. We shouldn’t forget anything in our lives–personal, professional, whatever. The pain we’ve endured, the happiness we’ve felt, every emotion from any time in our lives can be brought forward to use in our craft.  Though we’d like to forget high school days or embarrassing moments, they help a lot in connecting to and with  the character we’re playing. Those old emotions help us become the character, not just act like her.

JUNO: Queen of the gods and protector of Rome. She is often identified with the Greek goddess Hera, who was mostly worshipped as a goddess of marriage and birth. Which brings me to one of the more interesting aspects of being an actress: marriage and children. Oh, lordy, this could be a long one! First, marriage: When an actress gets married, she takes herself off the market. Producers may not like that because people might stop fantasizing about her, and stop buying tickets to see her. (This is all bull hockey, but whatever.) Producers may not like the partner she chose…he or she could be bad for her career. And then there’s the whole “my wife simulates sex with other people for a living” thing. I’ve often joked with Andy that the only reason I’m an actress is so I can kiss other people and get away with it. The truth is, it’s really not a joking matter. It can’t be easy for someone to watch their partner making out with another guy or gal. Insecurities are bound to pop up–real or imagined. And telling them that it’s the least sexy and romantic thing to do doesn’t help. You’re there in front of dozens of people, all eyes on the two of you…it’s not exactly a picnic. But that doesn’t help–your partner will be thinking things like, “Does she touch him the way she touches me? Does she enjoy it? I’m gonna go punch that guy’s lights out!” No matter how normal and sane and level-headed they are–and believe me, I’ve got one of the most even-keeled guys out there–this is not an easy thing to go through. So this in itself takes a little bit of Minerva and Terpsichore–wisdom and grace–to tread lightly on the subject, to be gentle and reassuring and maybe a little blasé about the whole thing. If the actor happens to be a good kisser…you know, my husband doesn’t need to know that.

This can be very dangerous territory for those of us who have partners. As an actress, I will myself to develop a bit of a crush on my co-star. It helps with the chemistry and makes things more believable. But actors in general can take those feelings too far. (And I mean “actors” as in guys and gals.) It’s the easiest thing in the world to think yourself in love with that other person, to really believe it. We see it all the time in the tabloids–people leaving their spouses for their recent co-star. But most of the time, it’s just the intensity of emotions on set, it’s not anything real–it’s not anything to build a relationship on. If you have a strong marriage, it’s just a bump in the road and you can stop yourself from tripping. If you’ve been having trouble in your marriage, this can be a huge boulder  you run smack-dab into, face first. It’s up to you. It’s always up to you.

Onto kids: Yay, kids! Everyone asks, “When are you guys gonna have kids? You’ve been married a while now! Come on!” We’re under constant pressure to reproduce! Most of our friends have already finished, and we haven’t even begun. Going through our friends, 97% of those who do not have kids are actresses. Coincidence? Hardly. We have the usual worries about starting a family: time, money, career, etc. But then we’ve got the added worries about changing bodies and not getting a role while we’re pregnant…and trying to get back to our pre-pregnancy bodies, not an easy feat. And for those often playing romantic leads, there’s the worry that now we’ll only get cast in the mom roles, that we won’t be seen as cute and sexy anymore. For an actress to be out of commission for an entire year is a tough thing. People forget you in this business, unless you’re always out there. You have to continuously fight to be heard and seen, to get the roles you want. (Remember Minerva’s also the goddess of war?) Once you start a family, you’ll be fighting for the above, plus to spend time with your family. This can be a cruel career–odd, long hours…often filming on location no where near your home. Can you bring the kids? Sure. With someone else there to watch them. You can see them in your trailer between takes–but I don’t know many kids patient enough to hang around the studio for any length of time. It’s hard enough for the kids who are in the film to be patient! (And that’s true of some adults, too!    )

For many years of an actress’s life, her career has to come first. Otherwise, there will be no career. Some might argue that there may be no children then, either. So each actress has to decide for herself what she can and cannot live with. If knowing you sacrificed a family for your career is going to make you distraught, then don’t focus so much on the career. For me–I’m at that awkward age, where both are pretty important. Career outweighs children, but not by much. I have a few more years before I really need to start worrying…so I won’t think about that now. I’ll think about that tomorrow, with Scarlett.

I’m in a business where my height and weight are on my resume. A change in weight becomes a change in characters that I can play. So…yes, that’s always the first thing on my mind when I think about starting to have children.

RHINO: As if all the above wasn’t bad enough, we also have to be strong and tough? Geez Louise, you’re asking a lot. In this profession, you hear a lot of “NOs.” You’re not right for the part. Come back after you’ve done this. Lose 5 pounds. Too tall, too short, too this and that. No, no, no, no, NO. The physical attributes that you’re super insecure about are the things the Powers That Be will bring up. I’ve heard two very good pieces of advice for those wanting to be an actor. 1) If you can’t take criticism, forget it. You’ll never make it. 2) If there’s something you’re just as passionate about, do that instead.

Even if you’ve made it, you’re still under critique. And everyone’s a critic. Everyone’s scrutinizing you and taking pictures of you…and you can’t scratch your nose in public anymore, because US Weekly will have it blown up and claim you were picking your nose! Gain a few pounds, and they’ll circle the supposed “baby bump” that is your tummy! Kiss an old friend on the cheek and suddenly you’re in a passionate affair. Cover your face from the cameras and you’re rude. On and on and on. For someone like me, who wants everyone to like her, that can be difficult. First of all, I have to understand that not everyone’s going to like me. Second, who bloody cares?! Just let it go. Serenity NOW!

So there you have it. The Life of an Actress. I hope that brings a little more understanding into what we go through, and why we make the decisions we do…and why so many of us are older mums!

Ethel knew exactly what she was talking about…and in 50+ years, it’s still the same.

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14^th October, 2009

Wowww….my body is sore all over today!

It’s been pretty hectic. These three days we’ve been filming the major action sequences, and we have an action director for that. Each day has begun at 3 AM so we can begin early enough to catch the right light.

Monday we started with the gurpurab festival, and then moved location to another spot where I have a major scene. You’ll have to see the film, and then I’ll tell you about shooting it.

Yesterday was spent back at the gurpurab scenes. Gurpurab is an early morning walk/processional in the Sikh faith. It was fascinating to watch, even just in spurts as they filmed it. They sing about how they will never leave the battlefield, even if they should be cut to pieces. There was some swordplay and other fancy battle-gear-dancing-stuffs. Don’t you love my descriptions? I bet you can see it all so clearly.

Anyway…so after the light left, we began my chase sequence. And that is what I’m sore from. I did a lot of running yesterday, in a pair of unsupportive flats. But it’s all good. I did ALL my own stunts, too! And by that, I mean…tee-hee…okay, so I’m running and running and the pants I’m wearing—wait, back up.

For this sequence I’m in traditional Punjabi clothes, and the pants are very wide. Think MC Hammer. So when I ran, they would start to balloon out in front of the opposite leg. And at one point I took a spectacular fall…flat out, arms and legs straight out like Superman. They liked it so much, they kept it in! I was more embarrassed than anything else, though I did manage to bang up my knee pretty badly. But the other scrapes I had were minimal and you can barely see them today. Anything for the sake of my art, right? I can’t wait to see it on screen!

The next three days Lakhwinder and I have off…so we’re going to spend a lot of time hanging out and rehearsing. The next scenes we have are a bit more comfortable (with each other, I mean), so we need to get that down pretty well. I’m hoping to do double-duty and go sightseeing and shopping, too.

Diwali is in a few days, and I’m super-excited about that! I think a few of us will be heading out to Amritsar to visit the Golden Temple and then the change of guards at the Wagah border. I think. I’m not sure.

It’s like Christmas over here, with Diwali sales and lanterns everywhere. I’m so excited I get to celebrate my first Diwali actually in India. And a few days after that is the birth celebrations of the first guru (for Sikhs), so that’s a pretty big deal, too. Perfect timing!

Gulshan Grover arrived Monday evening. He had his own hotel to stay in, but he decided to check out and stay here with us. I spent a bit of time with him Monday eve—haven’t seen him since then, though! He was incredibly friendly and charming, and down-to-earth. He’s huge here—and he’s not exactly small in the States, either. He’s a very experienced character actor, usually playing the baddie. Here, though, he’s not the antagonist, so I can’t wait to see what the press says about his role.

(Here’s a bit.)

I think some of the extras in the gurpurab have become fans. The second day, they came up to me and said “Christa Cannon Dot Com!” And then today one of them showed me my pictures on his phone, taken from the site! It made me laugh–what else can you do? I got a lot of pictures with them, and one insisted on bringing me my breakfast, instead of me doing it myself. It was very sweet, though he filled the plate with a lot of food I couldn’t finish!

For the past several days, when I got back to the hotel, I got a shower and brought my iPod out to the lobby to read the paper. (I spend a lot of time in my room, so it’s nice to go elsewhere for a change.) Yesterday, I had several people come up for pictures with me—sans make-up and everything. Too funny…it’s all so…surreal. I keep using that word, but it IS surreal!

I forgot to mention something about my very first day of shooting.

I’m a worrywart. I have anxiety and I will worry about everything under the sun…constantly. On other shoots, I’ve worried about the next day at work—getting home in time to get decent sleep, or the things that need to be done…worried about the house and its mess and various other things.

At one point I was sitting down and thought, “I’m not worrying about anything.” Which—yes, okay—worried me a bit. Surely there must be something to worry about. And then I relaxed…completely and totally. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing. This is my work now, and everything else gets taken care of.

I can’t tell you the relief I felt, after years of struggling with that. Yes, I still worry about things, but on set, in between takes, all is perfect. Normally when I perform—on stage or screen—everything in my head disappears. Every worry, every piece of baggage is dropped off at the door, but some of it’s picked back up again between takes or scenes.

Not here.

16^th October, 2009

Okay…Getting Lakhwinder to rehearse is like herding cats! I remember seeing an interview with Jodie Foster about Richard Gere during the filming of Somersby. She said she had such a hard time getting him to rehearse—she’d tell him she’d stand on her head while they did it—anything to rehearse! That’s exactly what I feel like!

Anyway…I’ll deal with that tomorrow. That always worked for Scarlett O’Hara.

Last night was a lot of fun. Some of the extras from the gurpurab scene came to pick me and Manpreet up, and we rode on motorscooters into the city. Here in Punjab, a small two-seater can easily fit a family of four. I’ve even seen 4-5 grown men ride one. What a waste to have just two people on the bike! So we rode three and three. I started out American, with my arms wrapped around Manpreet, but was reminded this is Punjab! Hands lightly on shoulders only! If I wanted to be a true Indian woman, I would also have ridden side saddle, but I wasn’t brave enough for that. (It was fine with Manpreet, since he’s from the south, but I’m trying to be Punjabi, so he’s been helping me. I did pretty good last night—we had a car to return home later that night and one of the guys told me to get in, but he was sat in the middle, which would have put me next to him. A no-no. So I looked to Manpreet, who held up his hand to say, “Wait.” Then he got in to sit in the middle. It’s all very strange, but I’m getting the hang of it. I can be friendly and touchy with cast and crew, or even southerners…but outsiders—especially here up north–I must keep my distance. Well, from the men and teenage boys, anyway. They’ll try to see what they can get away with, I’m told, though I have yet to see that happening. Still, best not to take any chances!)

I was scared to death when we started on the scooters! But it wasn’t too bad…it was actually kind of fun, weaving in and out of traffic and cows and people and dogs. I’m amazed we didn’t crash into anything. Everybody’s packed in like sardines on the roads, and in the alleyways, it’s a mess! Remember, there are no rules here.

So our first stop was a gurdwara—I’d brought my own dupatta, this time. This particular one separates men and women…I almost embarrassed myself by sitting with the guys. There weren’t many women, so it wasn’t that obvious (the separation).

After that, we went to one of the guy’s houses, where we met his family. And here in India, that means parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents maybe, cousins, neighbours, friends, etc. We stopped in at their…uhhh…mini-gurdwara to give praise before heading up the stairs. I’m not sure what it would be called—Sikhs have a room dedicated for worship in their home, if space is available. You can’t leave Punjabi homes without taking something—drink, food, etc. So we had both. It was my first homemade dinner—it was delicious! The same that I’ve been eating, but at a home. What an experience! The immediate family, Manpreet, and I were sat on their bed eating…everyone else was sitting or standing around watching us. This was around 10.00 at night—you’ll remember that we eat late here? I think the others had already eaten at their own homes…they’d really just come to see the new people, get autographs and pictures. (I’m trying to post a video on Facebook. I’m hoping since it’s only 25 seconds, it won’t take long to upload. Yay—it worked! So I’ll post short videos here and there. You can find them on www.facebook.com/oodelally3 If I get a moment, I’ll add them on YouTube.)

I really enjoyed it—both the home and the people. If I’d come here to visit on my own, I wouldn’t think I’d get a chance like that…to visit with the people and see how things really are. (But maybe—the Punjabi people are so incredibly friendly, they’re always inviting me into their home to eat with them and meet their family!) At first, I didn’t realize it was a house…it was all so open. No doors, really, and the windows had no screens or glass. In the States, we’re all so worried about people breaking in, we can’t imagine being so open like that.

It took us a while to leave, as we had to take photographs and sign autographs, and Gurpreet’s mom gave me a very pretty sweater as a gift. Then we stopped in to their mini-gurdwara to give praise, and then headed back out to a big gurdwara. (I’ve worshiped more in the past week than I have in the past few years!) We worshiped there, and we came late enough to where we could see the closing ceremonies, putting the holy books away. I got some video of it…

Just outside, the extras who did the swordplay were waiting to give us a demonstration of dhutka. I think that’s how you spell it—it’s a form of martial arts. I got a lot of videos of this, too. It was a lot of fun to watch…so graceful. Sikhs are “saint soldiers.” I’m learning more about the religion as time goes by…I’ll be an expert by the time I get back to the States! I’ll probably go through gurdwara withdrawals. I don’t think they have many in Denver, if at all.

Diwali is tomorrow—everyone’s getting ready for the festive season! I can’t wait. I don’t think we’ll be going to Amritsar, but we’re going to be doing something! Fun, fun, FUN!

The paper had a great Helen Keller quote the other day, I thought I’d share: “No loss by flood and lightening has deprived man of so many noble lives and impulses as those which his intolerance has destroyed.”

I know this is my acting blog, but while I’m here in India, you’ll have to deal with me writing about everything else, too!

But back to business: the language difficulties on set aren’t as bad as I had feared they might be. It was tough working with our action director, though…he didn’t speak English, and his style is very frenetic. We had little to no rehearsal before doing actual takes, so I was always nervous I was doing the wrong thing. But then we’d do just one take.

That’s one difference I’m seeing here…we don’t have nearly as many takes as we do in the States.

I’m kind of liking the treatment I’m getting. I hate to admit that—it sounds so snobbish! But I like being taken care of on set. They call me “madam,” which is more than a little odd, and I’m always brought tea and water and made sure I have enough snacks and food. They discovered the first day that I can’t be in the sun too long, so they bring me my sunscreen or an umbrella…and I don’t have to hold the umbrella. I’ve offered to—and I’ve tried to decline sitting when a chair’s not available, too…but someone always runs off to get one. It’s awesome—I’m secretly enjoying it! But I do have twinges of guilt, too. I don’t want to be a diva. I thank them for everything, that may be unusual. But I’d feel even more guilty if I didn’t acknowledge and appreciate what they do for me.

When I get back to the States, I may want a personal assistant. I’m just saying. I don’t want to do anything myself anymore. Tee-hee! I can pay in goldfish crackers, filtered water, and hugs…any takers?

17^th October, 2009

Happy Diwali!!! Ish’s parents woke me with sweets, a traditional Diwali gift. They gave me a box of pinni, which is a Punjabi cashew bar.

I’ve just uploaded a few videos on Facebook—I’m going through and finding the shortest ones I have!

Ummm…I just found out we may be moving to another hotel tonight or tomorrow, in a different city.

Okay, one bad thing here: we’re not really kept up to date on what’s going on. I have no clue when I’m filming until that morning, and most of the time I don’t even know what scene. So I’m going to have to start calling the assistants, and Ish said I can call her as well, anytime day or night.

So who knows about internet access during the next week? I’ll do my best.

Oh–Lakhwinder and I were able to spend a few hours rehearsing last night–*whew* 

Here is a bit from an email back home last week:

“I’m having  a blast here, even if I’m not allowed to wander about alone. I signed at least a hundred autographs last night–it reminded me of my Disney days! Only this time I could actually see everyone. And I didn’t have to sign “Pooh.” I’m learning to be an Indian girl in my interactions with the public. It’s not an easy lesson, as Western sensibilities are much more open and friendly. But my actions and demeanor can be misconstrued, and it’s safer for me to keep my distance. I’m told men should not be able to touch me for pics–just putting their hand on my shoulder or something simple like that. It’s odd standing there, several inches away from someone–I feel like a statue or something! But the children I can interact with as much as I want.

I told Andy yesterday that I’ve started doing the head wobble…I caught myself several times doing it yesterday!  http://www.google.co.in/search?q=indian+head+wobble&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

I’ve got a nickname here on set–Billo Rani. “Cat Eyes Queen.” Over here, light-coloured eyes are “cat eyes,” so I am the Queen of Cat Eyes. There’s a song, too, they sometimes sing. It makes me laugh!”

Don’t forget to click!!!!

Seriously. It really helps. Tell all your friends to click, as well…and don’t forget to become a fan on Facebook! At this point, I need to prove not only that I’m a good actor, but that I’m a popular one, as well. It’s all very silly, really, but why would anyone cast me if they think people won’t like me? If they know I have somewhat of a following, people will start taking notice.  So become a fan!!! And force all your friends, too, as well.

Oh! And how can I forget?! I’m to find Lakhwinder a soni gorian! (A pretty white girl.) “Gorian” is used as an expression to mean fair lady, so it’s not a slur against white girls. His only request is that she’s not a “dirty” girl. So make sure you shower! No, kidding…what he meant by that is she doesn’t…uh…”get around.” I don’t know who reads this, so I must keep things PG, right?

So, anyone interested?! He’s a cutie! His voice is fantastic, and he’ll sing to you all the time. He’s sweet and funny and charming, and he comes from a very well-known and well-respected family. He says he’ll teach you Punjabi and you can help him with his English!

Which reminds me…everyone asks if my marriage is a “love marriage.” Arranged marriages are still the norm here. I can’t say I’ve met anyone with a love marriage since I’ve been here. But they grow to love one another, and they’re very close. It’s sweet to watch, but I have to wonder what it’s like those first few months!

Manpreet and Lakhwinder both say they want a love marriage…but we’ll see.

Had another dream about Cillian Murphy…and Sarah didn’t try to steal him this time. (Thank you, Sarah!) Instead, I had invited him to visit with me and some friends. We didn’t know each other, and I knew he wouldn’t show. But he did, and he gave me a big hug. And he took his shoes and socks off…and one of my friends from middle school (Janelle or  Michelle! I can’t remember!) forced me to steal his socks. I was so embarrassed, especially when he was looking all over the place for the socks.

These dreams make me laugh, that’s why I share them. And I promise this is as risque as they get! I’ll dream about people I haven’t seen in years (or haven’t met!), but very rarely will I dream about someone I see all the time. Not even Andy. Maybe my subconscious thinks I get enough of them when I’m awake and thinks I should spend time with those I don’t get to see anymore.  ???  Dreams are funny.

Okay…I’m kind of just babbling at this point. I’ll publish this and try to write more later, after we’ve had Diwali celebrations!

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